Martha talked about the stages of change on Wednesday. I swear we are on the same page as I was already writing about the stages of grief and acceptance.
One of the things that we all have in common here at The Motivation Station and in life is that nothing ever stays the same and we are always presented with something new to learn to conquer.
My ex-husband used to ALWAYS say, "I HATE change, quit changing everything." Most people do hate change, but wake up people, change is inevitable. It's called life and it is ever changing. When I was young I'd say, "but it's not fair". My dad's favorite response was, "where is it written that life is fair? Fix it or learn to adapt to it and move on." I do believe that is where I learned my positive attitude. It really is easier to adapt and be happy, try to see the positive in any given situation than it is to moan about it and be miserable. I miss my dad. He's been gone 17 years now, but I try to remember his little one liners and the happy times. They always make me smile through my tears.
Anyway,
I believe life is all about change and that learning to cope with it as
it happens will help you through life. I believe in Murphy's Law, the
Domino Effect, Payback's a Bitch, and Karma. I also believe that Pay It
Forward and living by the Golden Rule go a long way to keep the former
from happening to begin with. I believe everything happens for a
reason and that life is one big adventure.
Now despite these beliefs this brings me to my current situation, my aunt Sharon who is also my godmother and was a great role model in my life. She has end stage Parkinsons disease and I am currently living with my uncle to try and help.
Now despite these beliefs this brings me to my current situation, my aunt Sharon who is also my godmother and was a great role model in my life. She has end stage Parkinsons disease and I am currently living with my uncle to try and help.
Parkinson's disease
(also known as Parkinson's, Parkinson disease or PD) is a degenerative
disorder of the central nervous system that often impairs the sufferer's
motor skills, speech, and other functions. Parkinson's disease belongs
to a group of conditions called movement disorders. It is characterized
by muscle rigidity, tremor, a slowing of physical movement
(bradykinesia) and a loss of physical movement (akinesia) in extreme
cases. The primary symptoms are the results of decreased stimulation of
the motor cortex by the basal ganglia, normally caused by the
insufficient formation and action of dopamine, which is produced in the
dopaminergic neurons of the brain (specifically the substantia nigra).
Secondary symptoms may include high level cognitive dysfunction and
subtle language problems. PD is both chronic and progressive. PD is the
most common cause of chronic progressive parkinsonism, a term which
refers to the syndrome of tremor, rigidity, bradykinesia and postural
instability. PD is also called "primary parkinsonism" or "idiopathic PD"
(classically meaning having no known cause). While many forms of
parkinsonism are idiopathic, "secondary" cases may result from toxicity
most notably of drugs, head trauma, or other medical disorders. The term
Parkinsonism is used for symptoms of tremor, stiffness, and slowing of
movement caused by loss of dopamine. It is possible for a patient to be
initially diagnosed with Parkinson's disease but then to develop
additional features, requiring revision of the diagnosis.
So
knowing all this about how and what I believe about life, the type of
illness she has and the fact that I too have a chronic illness*
that does at times limit my abilities, I have trouble understanding
where my aunt, the god fearing, rock to many in life, fun, positive,
adaptable woman went. At one time she was a candidate for the brain
surgery, but refused it. She now says she wants it, but the window has
closed on that opportunity. Personally I would have jumped at that
chance if for no other reason than I wouldn't want my family to have to
wait on me hand and foot 24/7. After 20 years her care was killing my
uncle. Long story short she is now in assisted living, placed there by
the state because she refused to do the things necessary to attend to
her situation. I pray that I have the grace to make the "right"
decision for my family as a whole if ever that situation presents itself
to me.
She
has serious control issues. She wants to manage this disease and make
it conform to her narrow minded ways. She was presented just this week
with new medications and a new regimen that should give her 50% more
"good/on" times. If only she'd stay open minded enough to try it.
Traditionally she'll take one dose, say it doesn't work and demand to be
back on her "safety net" meds. The doctor has told her it is useless to
make an appointment with her if she refuses to try what the doctor
suggests. Her normal way of dealing with this is to change doctors
until she finds one that agrees with her. Like I said there are serious
control issues which brings me to my main point, The 5 stages of grief
or acceptance. Knowing these and living by them can make any life
easier, yours AND your families.
The 5 stages of grief or acceptance:
DENIAL - "this can't be happening to me". Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
ANGER - "why
me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of
divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
BARGAINING - bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
BARGAINING - bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
DEPRESSION -
overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self
pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for
the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling
suicidal.
ACCEPTANCE - there is a difference between resignation and acceptance.
You have to accept the change or loss, not just try to bear it quietly.
Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization
that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they
didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the
deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good
that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals should turn toward personal growth.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal (at least emotionally), even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss (loss can also be a chronic illness or even a situation where we do not have control) is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal (at least emotionally), even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss (loss can also be a chronic illness or even a situation where we do not have control) is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
*I
have Systemic Lupus, but as my Rheumatologist is proud of saying,
"you'd never know it, because I refuse to let it show." I belief that
is my cross to bare/bear and I refuse to let it affect my life when I
can. Because of that attitude though many people, family members
included tend to say you look fine so you must be fine and they heap
more and more on my plate to deal with as the family caretaker,
sometimes for both mine and hubby's families. Still don't know where I
got that job, but am trying to empty that plate!
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